What's up World,

I had a session with my therapist today and we were discussing the ups and downs of my life, because I have had so many lately. I have been working towards a sense of stability in a lifestyle change I am choosing to pursue. As you can imagine changing everything; job, friends, leisure activities all at once is very interesting. With all this change there are several aspects of emotions that come into play here. Along with all the present emotions I was feeling there came an inventory of all the choices and decisions of my life that I have made up until this point. It was very overwhelming to say the least. But as I was analyzing the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, up and down, happy and depressed I thought that these things can be divided into meaningful and meaningless categories.

My therapist shared with me that nothing in our experiences of life is meaningless, everything serves a purpose just as everything happens for a reason. This stuck me as a little bit odd, but I went with it anyway. She also said that everything has just as much priority as the next thing in my life because it is all meaningful.

Now this is a concept I am struggling with a bit right now because everything in my life seems so relevant to circumstance and this concept challenges me to think outside of just myself and see a larger picture in which I am part of. If everything is meaningful and everything is just as important as the next thing. Then I would have to prioritize things on the bases of; which deadline comes first. When I get to thinking like that, I have never really thought that way. It makes me slow down and realize how important (or not important) my actions are and more importantly who I choose to share or not share those actions with. So if I am living for myself and only myself, my own happiness my own desires, my own wants I guess everyone else in my life becomes less important than I am. Which means I have lost the connections with those siblings, those friends, those extended family members (FosterClub). I have let selfish ways allude to the fact that everything and everyone else is less important and then I become a selfish person only wanting to do selfish things.

I feel bad that this has become my lifestyle for the last couple of years and I have been running away from my responsibilities as a friend, a roommate, an older brother and cousin, a student, an employee and every other position I held to be role modeled. I was not function well at all. I had to crash and burn in order to understand what was truly important in my life. I also had to understand that I was going to be a role model no matter what because all I have been blessed with.